WHY I LOVE CHRISTMAS

(In case it isn't clear to you, this is a joke.)

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT SOME JESUS-HATING QUEEROSEXUALS ON BUZZNET ARE DENOUNCING CHRISTMAS

I KNOW, IT'S SICKENING

DECEMBER 25TH MARKS THE EXACT DATE OF THE BIRTH OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, J.C. (DON'T LISTEN TO THOSE FRILLY-ASS HISTORIANS, IT'S SERIOUSLY DECEMBER 25TH)



NO NOT THAT J.C.

THIS J.C.:



NOW WE ALL KNOW THAT CHRISTMAS IS A TIME FOR JESUS AND PINE TREES. PINE TREES ARE AN ANCIENT SYMBOL OF JESUS. IF THEY ARE IMITATION PINE AND BRIGHT PINK WITH LIGHTS THAT MAY CAUSE EPILEPSY, EVEN BETTER. EPILEPSY AND PINK PLEASE JESUS.


ANOTHER EXCELLENT FEATURE OF CHRISTMAS IS THE FOOD. YOU SHOULD BE SURE TO STUFF YOURSELF TO THE SEAMS WITH ALL THE EXCELLENT FOOD SUCH AS


YUM YUM YUM. BUT I AM FORGETTING ANOTHER EXTREMELY IMPORTANT ASPECT OF CHRISTMAS. THE FAMILY. I MEAN THIS IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE ONLY TIMES OF THE YEAR YOU GET TO SEE YOUR UNCLE JIM. HE EVEN SAID HE'D BRING HIS RAT HUNTING GUN THIS YEAR LIKE HE'S TOTING IN HIS CHRISTMAS CARD



IN CONCLUSION, THIS IS WHY CHRISTMAS IS THE MOST GLORIOUS OF ALL HOLIDAYS.

CELEBRATE IT CORRECTLY OR BURN IN HELL, YOU HEATHENS.

LOVE,
ALEX

P.S.- GIVE ME ALL YOUR PRESENTS SO I CAN DONATE THEM TO THE POOR